A couple of days ago I noticed that Victor's birthday is only 2 days after John's birthday. When I noticed that, I started thinking about this whole thing with zodiacs and stuff and I realized the fact that Victor and John are similar in some ways. Which kinda freaked me out. Both because that's kind of a sign that this thing with zodiacs is actually some kind of science and also because that means there's this kind of personality that attracts me. Apparently. And thinking about this I also realized that Victor is quite similar to Zeth in some ways. I dunno if I ever mentioned Zeth but well he's my ex, and the person who I've had my longest relationship with and blabla. And this all kind of freaked me out, lol.

However.. I'm quite bored at the moment. I would prefer to go to bed, sleep so that it'll be tomorrow faster so I can see Victor again.. but I'm not tired, so if I go to bed I'll just end up laying there, staring at the ceiling and.. not sleeping. So I looked up some zodiac thingy about my sign, libra, and compared it with me. Aka, I checked how much of the typical libra that fits in on me.
Diplomatic, charming, social and easy going, elegant/graceful, artistic, gentle, sensetive with others, clear minded and logical, kind, cheerful, romantic and flirty but however loyal in marriage was some parts I find suiting me.
- I am actually quite intelligent, when I'm in a good mood I talk to everything and everyone and is very cheerful, I care (way too much) about others, I'm artistic and creative like hell and I do have a overly flirty way of acting.
Cooperative, balanced and changeable was the few things I don't agree on.
- I actually don't like cooperating. or well, it depends. When it comes to music I don't mind it, but otherwise I perfer working on my own. I'm not balanced, not at all, my mind is a complete mess. And I'm not changeable. I'm the one I am and I would never change myself unless I wanted it myself.
So.. I guess.. At least in my case, this is kind of.. true. it's quite fascinating really. I've always believed in it, but I never actually took a close look at it like this before.
Ah well. it's 11 here now and.. I'm actually getting a little tired. I think I'll go clean a little in my room to make myself tired and then go to sleep. Byebye for now.

Things doesn't seem to even be possible to be easy for me. Whatever it's about, every thing that actually means something turns out more or less complicated, one way or another. I'm aware of the fact that it's sometimes because of me, because I'm real good at turning things into something alot bigger then it actually is.. But it's not akways because of me. Right now it isn't.
Getting over Andy, to stop being pissed with him.. it worked kinda well. I more or less don't give a damn about him anymore.´. he's an idiot, and I know it. But.. I talk more to Ross now then I used to. And I did after all meet Ross through Andy and Ross is also the only one of my friends who actually know Andy who agrees on him being an idiot. And.. Ross keeps bringing Andy up. He talks about how much he likes me and what an idiot Andy is. That's the two main subjects Ross talk about.
I had to explain to Ross today why I don't like Ellen. Or why I try to avoid her. I had to go through it all, explaining how Andy stoped talking to me when he met Ellen and started to like her. How he started lying because he didn't want me to find out about his feelings for her, how he started lying about why he didn't talk to me. Yet again I had to go through it all in my mind and write it down. And that's not really what I need.. That chapter has passed. I don't want anything to do with Andy anymore. But I don't want to stop talking to Ross to avoid hearing about him either. And that's not an easy thing to think about.. How a quite good friend of mine sometimes makes me feel bad just because he don't know. he don't know that I don't want to think about or talk about Andy, and I can't tell him that without explaining even more. Geez.. Does everything always have to be so complicated?
It's that. It's Cheggs feeling seriously bad because he's in love with me. it's this thing that I won't say what it is that's still cirkling my mind. And apart from those things I have things I always have to deal with. Such as school, the fact that I'm actually suffering from depressions, the fact that I'm constantly haunted by things in my past and also the future.. I just never seem to be able to be completely happy. To completely let go and just.. be. And I want that. I miss that. However I can actually miss it.. I don't think I've ever actually experienced it.

Today is equal boredom. And I'm hungry.
I went with my mom and Crow to Ullared (aka the nearest village that's bigger then a squere inch) cuz Crow had to buy a pair of boots and my mom had to get some other thingys and blabla.. And.. Gah! I shouldn't have gone with them. I want to buy shoooes! lol I'm flipping. or no, not really. I'm just rambling. Lately I've been all wanting to buy load sof clothes and shoes and accessoaries and.. stuff. Buuut.. I don't have the money for that. Sad face. And I found loads of nice shoes. And I don't have a single pair of shoes that I don't use. or well ok, one pair, but ignore that. Most people I know (girls) have loooads of shoes that they don't actually use. or so that thye can use a pair one day and then maybe another pair the next day and like match it with the clothes of the day. But I can't. And I have no clue why I'm writing this? I want to buy shoes. End of discussion. Now.. I'll go down and watch TV while waiting to get some food.

I just woke up from this horrible nightmare.. I don't usually have nightmares. The last time I had a real nightmare was like 2 years ago, and the next time before that was like 5 years ago.
However.. As always with dreams I can't actually remeber everything. But.. It was like some kind of zombie dream. Although it wasn't actually zombies. it was like.. insane animals and weird creatures.
I've been talking to Venom for like 20 minutes now and barely written anything so I kinda lost it all.. but I'll say what I remember..
What I remember the most was that we were all (it was me, my brother, stepdad, mom.. and some random people who I thing were sopposed to be reletives of mine) in this small room with two doors to get out of it, and then there was a tiny toilet as well i think.. And everyone was locked in this room all panicked and didn't know what to do. And I remember how my mom said every now and then that "you know it's up to you, if you tell us we turn out the power and just go out there.." as if I for some reason could decide that we should all go out there and just get killed.. And she kept saying that, several times.
Then everyone left, everyone disappeared exept me and my brother. I have no idea either how or where they disappeared.. And I remember that my brother was shooting this tiger or something through a tiny window to get us food or something. He had a bow and I had a sword, that was all was all weapons we had.. However, he went out to get this animal he had just killed. and when he did that, three more of them appeared in front of me. But they didn't do anything, they just stood there looking at me.. And my brother didn't even seem to notice even if he was looking right at me. And then.. All of a sudden the people who had left was back. and i screamed to my brother "they're back, they're back!" Then I just remember my mom saying that to me again, "you know it's up to you.. Just tell us and we'll do it.." and everybody seemed to want me to tell them to, everybody seemed to be sick of it all and just wanting to.. die. And then.. My brother reached the room, closed and locked.. and all these animals and creatures went crazy outside. Attacking the walls, trying to get in. It was like a whole zoo outside, and we were all just sitting in there andd hoping for them to go away before this room broke apart completely..
And then I woke up. It might not sound very horrible, but it was. And when I woke up I was all like "omg thank you!", sat up straight at once and went here to start the computer.

And now.. as I said, I've been talking to Ross (Venom) all along while writing this.. And I just found out that his girlfriend broke up with him for another guy (I think I told u that I've been talking quite alot to him cuz he've been all sad over problems with his girlfriend..) and well.. as I said some other time he more or less.. nearly asked me out. And well now he kind of did. he did a "Cheggs". Told me he's always here if things ends between me and Victor. Sooo... Now I have both Venom and Cheggs more or less.. waiting for things to screw up between me and Victor so I'll start going out with one of them instead. Which probably isn't really gonna happen cuz I don't and never have had that kind of feelings for any of them. And it's.. kind of annoying. A bit flattering I guess, but mostly annoying. Especually sence I'm getting better friend with both of them lately. Especually Cheggs. I was talking to him for several hours yesterday. And he seriously seem quite sad over me and Victor. He's trying to hide it, but.. I think he's seriously falling for me. Ah geez. Messy crap! Why can't I just be the ugly duckling like before? Before about.. A year ago, no one seemed to like me that way at all. And now everyone seem to do. And to be honest, it's just quite *very* annoying.. Mostly because I really hate to turn people down. It's not that I don't, if I have to or want to turn people down i do.. But I really don't like it.
Oh well. Breakfast time.