I'm writing this between the CoD: Word at War games for the simple reason that I feel crap at the moment. I don't know why really.. But everything and everybody just seem to be acting bad to me. And I'm so annoyed with my laptop breaking cuz this computer is SO slow and msn doesn't work on it. My stepdad's gonna look at the laptop and see if he can fix it though. But still... I'm just feeling bad and as usual I can't stop thinking of this person. I try to, I don't even want to think about him all the time... I mean, why would he like me as well? And I'm such a coward, afraid to make a fool of myself and doesn't dare to tell him or like ask if he likes me. But still... I'm playing with John, my ex, for the first time in ages. he changed, alot, and that's when it ended between us. But now he seems to be back to his normal self. And Darling's also in the game, but he doesn't really talk to me.. Exept something like this;
Me: Oh crap.. Now that I'm playing this, I'm gonna be so bad on Halo when I go back to playing it.
Darling: Well then everything is like normal, isn't it?
With other words, he's just mean.. And now another game started but I'm gonna keep writing instead of playing anyways. No one's noticing that I'm not playing sence I'm barely talking anyways. I never talk when I feel bad... I can be a game with loads of friends and be completely quiet for hours sometimes. That usually leads to people asking if I'm allright though, but yeah. I'm rambling.

I just wish I had more confidence and actually dared to say and ask people what I want. I've got several things I'd love to say right now but I just can't... espacually what I mentioned above. And knowing that it's about 2-3 months left until I stop feeling worse then usual because of my annual autumn/winter-depressions doesn't really make feel very much better. Oh well, I'm glad I have these certain persons who always make me feel well, who always cheer me up when I'm down. Darling used to be one of those, only a couple of weeks ago, but he ain't anymore.. John also used to be one of those, but that was several months ago. Geez... I'm way too sentimental sometimes. Looking back and remembering. I should stop that. But at the moment I get sentimental from thinking about the future as well so it doesn't make a difference really.
Gosh, I gotta stop this now.

Okay, so, apparently my laptop broke. According to my brother... he sent me a text saying it didnt start properly and said something about a programe missing. But wtf, I was on it before I left to school and then it was working just fine.. So well, however, there might be a risk im without computer. Ohnoez! I probably won't survive. I'm at school, having computer science right now.

Today this far have been.. Schizophrenic. Like hell. I dunno what's the matter with me really, but a little now and then I've had these like short but intense depressive feelings. But overall it've been quite good. Nothing special really. And I'm going back home over the weekend, as usual, meaning I'm gonna be geeking at the xbox more or less constantly for a couple of days. Or well, until I go back to the flat on monday morning.
Oh, an yeah, fine then Victor, I'll stop whining about you not being on, haha. And thanks for the comment, I need tha tkind of things. To hear I'm doing right and not wrong. I'm too good at doubting myself sometimes...

oh well, maybe I should actually try to do some work? well even if I say I will I probably won't, I'm gonna be on msn and listening to music all lesson just like usual but still..