I'm actually in my room for the first time in a week now. Or well, I'm in bed, ready to sleep but yeah.. I've barely been in my room this whole weekend cuz both the xbox and the computer I've been using is in a room just outside my room. So it's the first time I'm actually completely alone.. And I still don't like it. At nights, when I'm alone in my room, overdosing sentimental music is always the time of the day when I feel the worst. But it's school tomorrow, so i feel quite okay really. School and back to something that actually makes me feel well.

I'm overdosing these songs that makes me think about him again. Just like every other night, listeing to them over and over again and can't stop thinking about him. And thinking of that I only say him and no name I obviously mean the person I won't tell the name of.
I... I don't know.. I keep wondering if he likes me as well but I never seem to be able to make up my mind. Sometimes he does these little things which could be a sign, but I mean.. I don't actually know.  And I'm just too much of a unconfident coward to actually say anything. But then, how the hell is he gonna know? How the hell am I gonna find out if he feels the same? I can't just sit here and wait for him to possibly do something.. Can I? Or I guess I could, but that would just be such a huge gamble cuz he could just as well either not feel the same, and therefor not say anything, or be just like me and not dare to say anything either.. Oh geez. Why do I have to be such a coward sometimes? I'm just scared things will change to something worse if I say something and.. Bah! I could need a blessing of some kind. But now I have to go to sleep...

Are you really here or am I dreaming?
I can’t tell dreams from truth

To start with; My stepdad fixed my laptop. Or at least I think so. So I won't have to be without computer, wohew! Everything I had on it is gone though.. but at least it's in working order again.

I was confused yesterday, but well, that's nothing compared to today.
I texted Darling yesterday when I was at the top of being pissed with him.. And well, as I've said, he can't answer my texts. But however I talked to him today over msn. And according to him, John was lying. He denyed the fact that he likes Ellen, that he's been talking behind my back and more or less everything John said.. According to Darling, everything John said that made me so darn pissed was a lie.. So now I really really don't know who to trust. I don't want to think any of them would lie to me.. But yet I can see reasons for them both to do it.
John is so obviously still in love with me, even if he broke up with me. Which kind of gives him a reason to wanna make me dislike Darling, who after all is like one of his best friends.
And well, Darling still havn't really explained why he more or less ignored me for several weeks. And what John said about him fits in perfectly. And it wouldn't be weird if he didn't want to admit John's right, sence I got so obviously pissed with him.
I don't want to believe any of this though.. I trust them both, they both used to be the most inportant in my life so I don't want to even think the thought that any of them would actually do someting like this to me..

Exept that, I was on the phone for over an hour with my oldest friend, Linda. And one of the first things she said to me was "will you move to London with me?" and I was all like "yesyesYES!" Like you know, I will move to england as soon as I finnish collage. And having Linda with me, even if she's not planning on staying for more then maybe a year, just makes it feel more.. real. idunno how to explain it really.. It just made me feel how that is actually going to happen when she asked me that. I will actually be there, eventually. If maybe not London, but england however. Oh geez.. I'm so looking forward to it. Luckily enough, I'm starting to get comfortable with and feeling like home with the life I have here now. So it's not like before, when I was more or less living for the day I can move to england.
I'm actually starting to like my life, even though things screw up and I feel crap and don't know what to do. Something, or someone, is making me feel like home.