Andy: What does Jespers bio thing say? Cuz it's in swedish so I don't understand it lol
Me: it says the same as urs lol
Andy: uuuum ok lol. He's copying me aaaah
Me: lol yep. He secretly dreams of becoming u u know, and copying ur bio is his first step to doing that lmao
Andy: lol now I'm scared
Me: u better be lol
Andy: u must be really tired now
Me: well yer I'm getting a bit tired
Andy: u were tired at 7, but now ur only a bit. wow ur weird lol
Me: well I went from tired to overly tired and then I get hyper instead :D
Andy: it's fun when that happens lol
Me: lol yep it is. obviously, cuz it usually makes me laugh constantly..
Andy: lol that would be funny to hear
Me: well havnt u once? that time when I ended up laying on the floor laughing lmao
Andy: o yeah lol
Me: That was fun lol
Andy: yer it was

A part of the conversation I just had with Andy... I don't like this. We talk just like before. Why don't I just stop it?
I seem to be more or less back where I started. i can't make up my mind. Should I be his friend or should I not. Should I stay or should I go? Damnit..

And as a random note; Omgwtfbbq I miss Victor so much. But it's less then a day till I see him now. That's ok after all.. I'll go to bed now.. I'm tired and it makes time go faster. Tomorrow night it's gonna be just him and me, alone with a xbox 360 and Fallout 3. Awesome. We're both gonna pay all attention to the game LOL.

(I'm gonna start adding these like header images to the posts every now and then. I went through the page deaviantart.com today and saved loads of photos and I think it looks quite good with pictures of some kind every now and then so yeah.. Blabla. And I changed my header and removed that text as well, but I guess you can see that.)

It's getting late. Or well, not actually late.. it's not even 11, but I'm getting a bit tired. And my stepdad told me to stop playing on the xbox cuz I was talking too loudly and my stepbrothers were going to bed.
Today's conversations with people on xbox live have been quite alot about Cheggs. or well, I've heard two sides of it. Cheggs' side, him being kinda depressed cuz people's tacking the nick out of him for liking me... And Andy's side of it, about Cheggs constantly going on about me. And I dunno what to do really? I can't help what he feels and I ain't gonna try doing anything about it either, it's up to him.
And yes.. I've been talking to Andy today. Curse me for that. We even played a game of halo 3 alone cuz everyone else left. And when I talk to him... It's like nothing was ever wrong, like I never told him I feel bad talking to him, like he never broke me completely. And this is the reason i try not to talk to him, cuz I know every time I talk to him will bring me closer and closer to actually forgetting or ignoring what he did. The question is though... Should I actually keep trying to avoid him and ignore him? At some moments it feels like this is all just stupid, why putting any energy to caring about him at all? But at other times I understand why and wish I would never have met him. And why the hell do I bother thinking about him at all...

And now for something completely different. (Monty Python )
When I was cleaning my room earlier I found 3.. uhm.. pads.. or whatever it's called. Like books with lined papers that you write in.. you know.. However. I went through these and found quite some interesting things. The thing is, when I want to scribble or write something down I usually just take the nearest paper or pad, open a random page and write it down. So... Reading through these there was no sence of due order of the things written down. I could see things written down a year ago on one page, then two pages later something I wrote while going out with John, then next comes something from two months after that to then return to a year ago.. Uhm.. you get what I mean. It was quite interesting. I found loads of short parts of lyrics that I've scribbled down when I came up with them and.. Stuff. However, there was this one thing that catched my interest the most.. ;
"You couldn't find me," she sang proudly.
Dear god, she was playing hide and seek. I started screaming out to Jack to turn back, but the strong winds coming from the northwest mountains simply snatched my voice and threw it back at me. Until suddenly I couldn't see my brother any more, only the black head floating further and further away. I had not fed the sea enough...
I have no idea what that text is from. I can't remember reading it, I can't remember writing it or coming up with it myself. But somehow it touches me. The language, the meaning... Idunno... It just gave me a quite weird, eerie feeling somehow.

I have to go change my insulin now, and then I think I'm gonna go down watch some TV and go to bed soon. I'm even more tired now then when I started writing 20 minutes ago.

I just talked to Linda for the first time in quite a while. Linda is my oldest friend, we've known each others sence we were 6 and well... We used to be best friends. Before we got separated when we started High School and went to different schools. After that things have been up and down. Sometimes we've been really close and at one point it felt like we didn't even know each others again.
However... If I got it all right she's over at her boyfriend, Victor's ( roflworthy ) place at the moment. He doesn't live in Gothenburg but Linda but quite far away from there. Actually he lives in a place called Båstad, which is where I was sopposed to go to collage at first, but I changed my mind.. It's about as far between Gothenburg and here as it is between Båstad and here. So.. With otehr words, Victor lives twice as faraway from Linda as I do. Uhm.. Idunno why I wrote that, but however. I havn't seen Linda in nearly half a year now and I really miss her and she said she misses me as well and both of us wanna meet during the holiday. But the thing is that she's leaving to Victor's on the 26th and won't be home again till school starts. So... I might go to Båstad for a couple of days and spend new year with Linda, Victor and his friends. If I'm allowed to. My mom don't like me being away for a longer time with people she don't know. She knows Linda, bot not the rest... But however, unless I find anywhere else to be on new year I'm probably gonna go there. Goodie good.

So.. I finnished cleaning my room, we've made the candy... And I think mom's making dinner at the moment. It sounds like it. Good, I'm getting hungry.
I think I'm gonna go down and get my mom's stereo now. It's still in a box from when we moved 2 years ago and I'm gonna put it in my room instead, so that I can listen to more then just the music I have on my iPod, I've got CDs I wanna listen to as well. And I'm thinking about actually starting to buy CDs... Not that I can't download anymore (I'm not allowed to on this computer). And also, I like CDs. It looks better to have a big collection of CDs instead of a overloedad iTunes liberary, doesn't it?

I'm doing a huge cleanup in my room sence christmas is coming. I really hate that. I hate cleaning my room. Probably cuz I don't mind it when it's meddy. I have no problems with my floor being like a labyrinth. But once I start cleaning it I start hating it. It's like all the dirt flies up from the floor and gets stuck all over me. I always get this horribly dirty feeling and I like don't want to touch anything. It's weird... And the worst thing about it is that this feeling I get from this is somewhat alike what I feel when I'm about to get a panic, anxiety attack thingy.. whatever it's called. So, logically I should clean my room more often to avoid this. But I can never be bothered to. Especually not now that I'm barely in my room at all exept at night.
However, I'm nearly done with it. Or well, the cleaning up. I have to hoover and stuff as well. And then, later when we're all done with the cleaning (all family is cleaning up at the moment) we're gonna make candy for christmas. Alot more fun!
So... School's out on friday and then it's 3 weeks home, here. Blergh. I might talk to Linda or Sofia and maybe go to them over new year though... But I dunno. That's not actually what I want, I just want a reason to get out of here. It's ok to be home over christmas but I'd prefer to be somewhere else on new year. The problem is though that as far as I know I don't actually have anywhere to go so I'll probably end up being at home anyways. Sigh.
Mom asked earlier if I was coming home on friday, and I was all like "wtf? I though I had to?" aaand.. I shouldn't have answered that cuz then she changed her mind and said I had to and instead she asked when Victor's coming here and said that if he wants to see me he have to come here. She obviously wants to meet him.. But that kind of annoyed me a little bit. But I can see why. If she'd do as she wants I would still be living here all the time, but she can see that this is better for me and how it wouldn't be good for me to always be at home and, also, having to leave home at 6 and be home at 6 every day because of school being so far away. But yeah.. Idunno.. I'm not looking forward to having holiday. Or well, I am, but yet I'm not. And I guess I should go finnish my cleaning now.