I don't seem to be able to do anything right, don't I? I can't seem to stay out of trouble, complications. I can't seem to keep everything simple. Whatever I do, no matter how good things are, they always seem to screw up or at least get complicated.. No matter what it's about.
I would've been crying right now if it wasn't cuz of the fact that I'm in school. If it wasn't cuz of the fact that I'm doing all I can not to.
I don't know... I don't know about anything. Nothing seems to be good at the moment, Everything seem to screw up, and even if they don't... It's always something. I have too many feelings, I move on and bury things way too fast, I make decisions without concidering  the consequences. And now here I am. Happier then ever, but worse then in quite a while. I've got my mind made up but yet I'm as confused as can get. And Samuel Osborne Barber's "Adagio for strings" filling my mind doesn't make things better. It's a masterpiece, but it's sad. I always seem to listen to depressing, sad music when I feel bad, which makes me feel even more bad, instead of listening to something happy to get over the sadness. I guess I do feel like home in my depressions after all. They seem to be a part of me. And I hate it. I want to get out of this.
But above all... I have to fix this.
I don't love him, but I'm not over him either. He still somehow feels like my best friend, but yet he's my arch enemy. And whatever I have to do... I don't seem to be able to do it on my own.
I should go eat now... But all hunger I felt before just disappeared. How can someone say I'm good, I'm worthy or whatever good shit about me... When all I tend to do is destroy things around me?
I remember the time when I several times a week heard that I'm destructive, back then I didn't agree with them. Now I do. But oh god please don't let me go back to who I was back then...