The only reason I actually go to the liberary nowadays seem to be that I don't want to go home. Today is an even more extreme case of that.
I guess i seemed to be in quite a bad mood yesterday? I was. Yesterday was such a horrible day... I mentioned Andy in that post but he wasn't actually more then just a tiny part of it. The actual reason's named Eric. I've never mentioned him, and I ain't gonna tell you who he is or what's happened either. As I've said before; some things arn't made to be said out loud.
But however... At the same times as things are great, most things are... Really crap at the moment. Everything just seems to turn out just the way I didn't want them to. And as if that wasn't enough... the holidays start in two days. And that's equal having to be home for.. well at least 1-2 weeks and I also have to be without Victor for 3 weeks. And being without him for that long, right now.. I must say things couldn't get very much worse. He's what keeps me smiling, the reason I don't just lay down and let myself starve to death right now. And what doesn't really make things better... Is that I know I feel this alot stornger then he does. He ain't gonna have very much of a problem being without me for a couple of weeks, while I would do anything not to. And well that's probably what it's always gonna be like. He means more to me then I do to him.. And hopefully I'll eventually get over that. Cuz right now it just kind of hurts me but yer.. I should stop writing now. Writing always makes me think more.

My brother's going home tomorrow but I'll stay till friday, so.. Victor's gonne be spending the night with me. Happy face. And then on friday shool's out and I'm heading home as well.. Christmas in a week.. New year in two weeks.. And oh, right I have to talk to mom about joining Linda for new year. I realized the fact that Linda's the only person there I know and she's probably gonna pay all her attention to her boyfriend. And like everyone's probably gonna be drinking, including Linda.. So I reeeeally don't know if it's gonna be alot better then being at home.. It might even be worse. But what other options do I have? It's my only way of seeing Linda the nearest.. Long time, and it's from what I know the only place I can go to over new year to get away from home..
Oh for fuck's sake this holiday is doomed, it's gonna be just horrible and I know it. Merry Christmas Selene, Merry fucking Christmas...