I found loads of old texts, fragments of short novels and things I've written while feeling bad and being sentimental.. They're all about a year and a half old, written in swedish, but I decided to try to translate them. I know I havn't said much about that time of my life, before and after I moved from what I still sometimes concider where I feel like home and.. Stuff. And I probably ain't gonna say much about it either, but these texts should say a little about it. I ain't gonna translate them all right now, but I'll start with this one... it's a journal I started writing the first day we had moved. I didn't write much at all, but it says quite alot.. I can't even remmeber the things I wrote here but reading it I can see it clearly. However...

 "061221 19:09

Geez, today have been just so.. Gah! I woke up on a madrass on the floor, wearing yesterday's clothes to get up, go into a 95% empty kitchen with only a little bit of food in it. Yes, that's right, today is the day I moved. I can no longer say that I live in Gothenburg but do now live in Ätran. It sounds so depressing, but it's true. I can't rly make up my mind if it's something good or bad, it's.. some kind of mixture I guess. However, to pass that depressing alley on the way to the tram for the last time, go to meet Zeth. For the last time, ever. To then get to the Sa*u*ron church and meet everybody for the last time as classmates. Gosh, Sunna seemed completely devastated over this. Zeth was just naive about the future, or hiding what he felt very well, which I'm glad about. Hanna seemed completely neautral, until I was leaving.. She was all tearry and apparently she started crying once I'd left. Maria, that sweet human being was of course late to church and was waiting outside when we were done in there. She didn't show any special feelings either but I think she knows we're gonna keep talking and seeing each others and stuff. Linnéa that scary person gave me a tight hug even though we've been very cold to each others the last... 6 months."

So.. that was the last day I spent in Gothenburg, the last day before things started to screw up, big time...
I'm gonna put these in the order I wrote them, next is what was sopposed to turn into some kind of short stories but I never got too far on.

"070118

The water from the backwheel of the bike started splash up on her and made the inside of her thighs soaking. The rain never seemed to end, it had been raining constantly for nearly a month now. The road was empty, the fields and forest surrounding her was all that could be seen and every now and then a lorry passed by and created a short, intense pouring rain that soaked her even more, as if the real rain wasn't enough. The music could be heard out of her headphones, but not that it mattered anyways. No one was there to hear and she was singing along with it as well. Her eyes were covered with something that earlier that day actually looked like something else then a black, sticky mess.

The road ahead of her, never ending fields and forests. The rain water splashed up and soaked the inside of her thighs and the rain was hitting her face like needles. She closed her eyes to avoid getting the rain ruining her sight and the pain from it and when she opened them again... The sorrow was clear. The otherwise gray eyes were now shining brightly with a iceblue shade, just like always whenshe felt something special.

She closed her eyes to avoid the rain hitting them like sharp needles but were soon forced to open them again. They were shining brightly with an iceblue shade. As a difference from the differental, shining eyes her face was covered by a black mess that was sopposed to be her make up but had now ended up being everywhere it wasn't sopposed to be. But really, what did it matter? She forced herself to smile but it soon faded away again. What use was there pretending anyways?

Ideas that can't be written down is not the shit..."

That was, unless you understood that, three failed tries on getting this idea down to paper. I can't be bothered to translate any more now.. and it annoys me how damn much worse the texts sound when I translate them, they're so much better in swedish... Ah well. Byebye for now.

I bleached my hair yesterday... And I'm a blonde now! D: Or well.. Some kind of shade between blonde and dark blonde. I'm gonna bleach it once more in about a week or 2 and then overdose silvershampoo and hopefully that'll be enough to get it white.
And then.. uuum... My aunt's here, happy face I don't see her too often cuz she lives quite far away from here, the last time I saw her was half a year ago. And her kids, aka two of my cousins are here as well. One of them is only 3 months and it's the first time I see her. She's so adorable! I don't really like kids/babies, but on a distance and if they're cute, well.. Then they're ok haha.
Apart from that.. Well there isn't rly much going on. I was playing Phantasy star universe with Andy yesterday. he talked to me through the headset and I answered through msn, haha. And well... I realized that I have to choices, or possible three but well.. no, two; to keep trying to avoid him as good as possible and feel bad about missing his friendship and stuff. Or to accept the fact that he's a good friend of mine, that we have fun together and just not care about what he did and start talking to him again. I chose the second one. Idunno if that's right or wrong really, but it's the easiest way and I can't be asked to make my life more complicated then it already is. And also... What reason do I actually have not to talk to him? That he acted like a jerk, sure, but he isn't anymore. That he is after all my ex and I'm not completely over him, sure, but if I can't be friend with him without venturing mine and Victor's relationship... Well then, to say it simple, I fucking ain't worth him, in that case I'm just as much od an idiot as I though and we shouldn't be going out at all. I doubt the fact that that'll happen though. I'm not in love with Andy and as I've said I'm not too sure if I ever were. We're just really good friends and as my mom said.. It's not always easy to see the difference between strong friendship and love.

I'm gonna ring Linda and talk about new year now. I'm starting to concider not going with her cuz... Idunno... I wanna see her, I really do, but not like that.