I'm sitting here with a pretty big smile at the moment. I'm talking to Andy... And well I needed to talk to someone about the
fact that I really should do something about that.. Uhm.. Well.. Victor doesn't really like that there's several persons fancying me or actually being in love with me. I'm quite sure Cheggs is the one it's mostly about, which I can understand sence it's, as I've said, turning into a way too big thing. However.. I was talking about that with Andy and came into the subject that we're acting just like we did when we were going out again. And what does he say?  "but we are just friends now. we always were. really i think so. i agree with what u said. and we're the same so that's quite obvious lol. i guess its hard to tell difference with love and really good friendship." and him saying that.. especually the last sentence.. just made me really happy. Both because that means he's not at all upset over the fact that I broke up with him and because it so clearly shows that we were and are actually great friends. And.. idunno.. that just made me damn happy to hear.
And just as a random side note, a part from mine and Andys msn conversation...

We're both showing webcam. He's sitting on his bed wrapping up presents.
Andy: I hate wrapping presents. I give up now.
Me: naww lol
Andy's sitting and cuddling with his cat...
Me: You can wrap up the cat lol :D
Andy: lol that made me laugh
Me: lol go me.. I seriously wanna see you wrap the cat now lol
Andy: No. My cat.
Me: Aww sad face. And I'm a horrible, horrible person lol.
Andy: aw srry darling i would do most things but not this one
Me: sad face
Andy: aww *hug*

I just found that quite amusing, lol.

And well... I really have to tell Cheggs off, don't I? I don't want Victor to feel thretened by my friends or whatever. I love him and no one else. Sure, I can't say anything about the future, but neither can he. And well... damn me and my fear of hurting people...
And omg I miss Victor so much. And it's like..  2 weeks till I see him or something. How the hell am I gonna survive that? D:

I've managed to locate both my long lost rechargable batteries for my camer (There's something wrong with it so it only works with rechargable ones, or it just kills the batteries in about 3 minutes) and my long lost photoshop CD. So.. Now I've got a camera up and running and photoshop on this computer as well. And that's equal what? Me taking photos and editing, obviously I'm all happy over that. So I've been taking loads of random photos and am now entertaining myself with editing them.

I'm gonna spend tomorrow helping my mom. We're gonna go shopping like loooads of food and some other stuff at two different places, a huge food store and a huge department store.. lol. And I hate being around alot of people. However... And I'm gonna buy myself a second backage of bleach for my hair as well. And maybe some CDs if I find something interesting... And then my stepdad and siblings are off to my stepbrother's birthday party but I and mom will stay at home and do loads of cooking and stuff, yupyup. Just a random update sence I probably won't write again till tomorrow evening or something.
I shall now return to my photo-editing.

I've got a couple of points to mention... And I dunno how to put them all together into one text without it sounding way too weird so that's why I.. don't.. write them all together instead. And I blame the rambling on the fact that I just woke up and from, once again, a pretty weird dream. However..

This thing with Cheggs seem to be getting a bit too.. big? And the bad thing is.. When he flirt with me, I flirt back. Cuz I'm a overly flirty person. I'm never actually serious when I do it, but I still do, more like a fun thing. And now... Well he seem to be just waiting for me and Victor to break up so he can ask me out. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it and I ain't gonna do anything about his feelings. If he actually loves me that much I'm ok with it, it's his feelings. But idunno how good that is for him? I mean... I'm not really planning on breaking up with Victor during the nearest time. We've even been discussing things that are 2½ years into the future (the fact that I wanna move to england and he don't want me to). And Cheggs and I are really good friends. We usually talk more or less constanly on the weekends, or holidays like now. We have actually gotten closer lately, which just even more makes me.. Not want him to get hurt. (And btw I don't think I ever mentioned that Cheggs/Cheggus isn't actually his name but Nicholas. I just enver actually call him that, I call him either Cheggs or sweetie)

And when in comes to Andy... We're back to talking like usual again. More or less... exactly like usual. Which feels kinda good somehow, I've come to realize that I've actually missed him quite alot. And he do usually make me quite happy, I can't really be down or depressed while talking to him. However... But it still feels a bit wrong somehow, thinking of that it's, as I just said, more or less exactly like it was before. Apart from that we're not going out anymore, obviously. But... I'm quite sure this feeling of that it's wrong will go away. Cuz there isn't anything wrong with it. At least I don't have any plans or intentions of going back to him. Why would I? I love Victor.

I moved my moms stereo into my room yesterday and I also looted like half of her CDs. She said it was OK and she probably ain't ever gonna want them back so they're miiiiiine now, haha. And I fell asleep listening to Dilba (she's swedish so idunno if you've heard of her.. ) and my mind got hooked up with this song called 2I'm sorry". I've heard it before but now I went through the lyrics and stuff and I totally fell in love with it.

I painted a pircture of you
My dream was a lie
and the lie became truth
reality held it's breath too long
it's disgusting what dreams can do to you

But i'm sorry, this illusion
has caused you a lot of pain
and i have no solution
I'll try to never be back again