I just had this major breakdown. Everything just fell apart. I don't know how, I don't know why. But I havn't been feeling this bad in ages. It's kinda the same feeling I had back then when I was feeling so bad over Andy. I can't be bothered to care about anything. I just talked to Victor on msn and he was trying to plan the upcoming week we'll spend together. And he wanted my opinion about things.. And I just couldn't be bothered. I can nearly say I don't care at all about seeing him right now. That's how much I don't care about anything. Everything just feels horribly pointless. And now.. I better stop crying.

I bet you don't know how it feels
To be walking past your house at night
I bet you don't know how it feels
To stand outside and watch the lights

And I don't know why
I just can't seem to dry
The rain on my face
All the tears I've cried

I think of the day
When you pushed me away
What can I do when I still love you?

What can I do?
Where can I hide -
From all of these feelings I keep inside?
It's dark as can be
And you'll never see
Just what it's like to feel..
What it's like to feel unloved

I bet you don't know how it feels
When your life flashes before your eyes
I bet you don't know how it feels
The moment when you realize
That you lost all you had
All that's good - all that's bad
And everyone tells you, you should be glad
Your love for me is gone
I should be moving on
And find someone new - but I still love you

What can I do?
Where can I hide -
From all of these feelings I keep inside?
It's dark as can be
And you'll never see
Just what it's like to feel..
What it's like to feel unloved

If I could turn back time
If I could press rewind
Go back to the days when you were mine

There's something wrong with me. I feel like shit. I wouldn't mind going to bed, closing the curtains, turning of the light, putting on some depressing music and just lay there and pretend the world outside isn't existing. I won't though. If I do, that would be.. turning myself in. Accepting the fact that I'm a depressed, miserable, pathetic human being. or whatever. i really dunno anymore. I've got this "idunno" feeling. Do you know what I mean? When my mom could like ask me what I want for dinner and I'd be all whiney and "i don't knoooow..." cux everything just feelz useless and every choice turns inpossible. Or maybe it's just I who feel that. And Andy, cuz I know he's been like that a couple of times. But then again... He and I are pretty much the same.
I'm in a party on xbox livem with Daniel and Cheggs. But I'm not even wearing the headset.. They don't notice any different anyways do they? I still can't talk.
Hibernation.. But for like a year or two. Sounds like a very tempting idea. or like a coma or something?I'll stop feeling sorry for myself now. or at least I'll stop telling you that I do. I don't even know what the fuck's making me feel this way.. But I do. And I need to do something about it. But what can you do about a problem when you don't know what the problem is?I think I'll go fix the black dye. I need something to do.. Something else to think about. That, and loads of chocolate.
Wow I write too much..

My hair survived.. Wohew! And now I'm like.. platinum blonde on some places and yellow-ish blonde in like the rest. And a bit reddish in some as well, but that doesn matter cuz those parts are gonna be either purple or black before I'm done with this.
Howeverrr... I seem to be way too sensetive today. And I stil blame it on PMS. Which I really shouldn't, cuz I've been doing that for like nearly 3 weeks now. You don't have PMS for 3 weeks, lmao. But however.. My mom's working on this website and she's kinda.. really bad at that and things doesn't seem to go the way she wants and she's just generally pissed. I noticed there was a recipe for some kind of unhealthy thingy on the kitchen table and i was like "ook.. is she gonna make that? *sparkling eyes*" So I asked her why the recipe was there and she answered cuz she needed to know what to buy for it. And well.. In a genearally pissed tone. Getting annoyed with me because of that. WTF? I was like now what did I do? And well her being like that to me made me feel bad and blabla.. I hate being so damn sensitive, glargh. And right now I just feel really whiny.. And like.. Wanting to stuff myself with chocolate. Meh.. I think I'll go kill some americans on halo 3. And hopefullt I'll do well, cuz otherwise I'm probably gonna flip.

I've got the bleach in my hair at the moment.. it's been in for about 40 out of 60 minutes and I'm starting to worry lol. There's a risk I'm killing my hair completely and have to cut like an inch of. Hopefully not but there's a risk. Ah well. I'm hoping I won
t have to, but if I do it's ok by me. Kind of. Errm however... It's just me, my mom and Crow home. My stepdad's in Stockholm talking to someone about a job.. I think. So he'll be gone all day. And my sister's still at our dads. Her dads. I don't really look at him as my dad. But it's good my stepdad's away.. Cuz now I can play music from my stereo in my room loud enough to hear it out here, haha. So I've got Coldplay's album "A ruch of blood to the head" on. And when the bleach is done I'm gonna go sew a little (surpirse). And then.. Later I'll do the black dye. I think And then I'll probably do the purple tomorrow. Or later today. Blabla.
I dont have anything to say really...... so this'll be it for now, lol.